A women is asked-which is your favorite book?

She replies innocently..
My husband's check book :D

And then I heard a loud bang and when I turned back he was gone!!

Arrested for laughing...!! This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.


She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:- When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon".. 


I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. 


Then I could not control myself any longer,
when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".. The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing !

This is one of the cutest and saddest moments that disney have every made. Its a better love story than most of movies...

I just met and this is crazy, But i am from the future and I am your baby

Do you have a very over protective Father - I am sure he cant beat this one

The five stages of incessant pop music - Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance...

Euro 2012 Joke - Germany-Attack Til Death..Spain-Pass til Death..Italy-Defend til death..Portugal-Pass to Ronaldo til Death

Lol

What do you do when you win - Party and What do you do when you loose - Party harder - Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle Yeah!!

"Should Women Have Children After 35..?"???

Sardar Replied:
"Frankly speaking NO,
I think 35 Children are more than Enough". 

Foreigner meets Sardar and greets, "How do you do?" Sardar "Its very personal, I cannot tell you!"

:p

Dude, its friday... Cheer Up

Very Naughty and Funny Bill Gates Interview 2012

I wasnt that drunk - Round 2 - 2012

Enjoy reading - 7 Amazing Riddles 2012

"U cannot taste me, until u undress me?" - Banana
"U can not eat me unless u lick me"- Ice cream
"U can not play wid me unless u blow me"- Balloon
"U can not enjoy me unless u suck me"- Lollypop
 "U make me wet & put me in your mouth evryday"- Toothbrush
"U can not eat me unless u spread me"- Butter
"U can not kiss me unless u praise me"- Women...

If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit end on a call

I would have no friends.

Grad school is another way of saying

“Screw Job Hunting.”

That little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to answer to a text.

:D

“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.”

- Mario

Smile no matter How much it hurts

Mobile to Telphone - Grandma

If you want breakfast in bed

Sleep in the Kitchen :p

Cool Fact: You can’t hum if you plug your nose!

:P

Facebook - Kid you Face Book and Study!

What I use my Smart Phone for - Checking Email, Facebook, Proving Someone Wrong..

How my girlfriend sees my facebook page:

Taking shots with someone at a party does not mean you have to friend request them on facebook.

I like those birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me

of the friends I need to delete. 

Cant Control your laughter - this might happen to you

Durex commercial On Fathers day

To everyone who used our competitors product, Happy Fathers Day :D

What a teamwork - Dad earns I spend

Whats The Similarity Between Washing Machine & Girls?

Even If One Of These Is Not Available Then You Have To Use Your Hands

This is a list of who asked for your opinion

I'm so sick n tired of friends who can't handle their alcohol.

The other night, they dropped me three times while carrying me to the car

Get adopted they said - It will be fun, They said

A Man was driving a car.. A woman on scooty overtook him. The Man shouted, "Buffalo!!!"

The woman turned back & shouted, "you bloody pig.. ass faced idiot, stupid man!!"

..& suddenly she had an accident, her scooty hit a buffalo crossing the road!

Moral of the story: Women never wanna understand what a man wants to say!!

Sometimes I feel that i hve the worst job in the world - Ya Right

Why do i have such weird dreams

Dont u feel cheated and angry when u open a bag of chips & its only 30% full...?

Well,
Thats how Boys feel when they unhook a Padded Bra...!!

The brain is the most outstanding organ it works 24 Hours a day 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love.

In an exam, I was asked to write an essay on friends...... I wrote - "ANY COMBINATION OF MILLION WORDS FRM 26 ALPHABETS CAN NEVER XPRES MY FRIEND"

don't get emotional.I got a zero.

A list of things - What we see and What kids See

Mirror- Oh you look good today, Camer- Lol NO.

If u ever find a woman who is : Smart, intelligent, get things done on her own, drives a car well, has no expectation, is not materialistic n loves u like u are the last man on earth how ever badly u treat her...

*Please understand that the weed  you have smoked  is of the highest quality !!!

Phone on silent = 10 Missed calls and 15 new texts, Turn volume to loudest = Nobody calls

Height of Sardarism.... "Sardar Searching for Trial Room in a Shoe Store"

hahaha

Come on boy do your business... Hahaha look at that weirdo with his pet rock what a looser.... Down Boy!! Lol

Cap lincoln - Make a cap out of 5 Dollar Lincoln Bill

A deep love story: Once upon a time true lovers went for a long walk,

remaining story i wil tel u when they come back.! 

Please don't accept calls from unknown numbers today - you never know if someone wants to wish you "happy fathers day "

haha

Everyone wants happiness, No one wants Pain. but you cant have a rainbow, without a little rain.

I hate it when i'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Born to sleep

IF U ARE IN LOVE : Make d best of it. Don't doubt anything. Enjoy it becausenothing lasts 4ever.. IF U JUST BROKE UP: Don't cry! Remember that U had a good time! Never stay alone! Ur friends are there. Hug more people n Stop listening to sad music! It only makes things worse..

IF U R SINGLE : Stay happy, Hang out with friends n family. Try looking for sum1 who u think is d best for U..

 IF U R MARRIED:

 GAME OVER..
 Delete dis message.. :p

If your doctor warns you that you have to watch your drinking

Find a bar with a mirror....

It Happened in a Hospital in India. In the ICU of the hospital, on a particular bed every patient admitted over the weekend died every Sunday between 11 to 11.15 AM. Doctors thought it is something Super Natural and were baffled

 Worldwide Expert team was formed to Investigate the cause.

 Next Sunday, few minutes before 11 AM, all doctors & Nurses stood around the patient on that Bed & were waiting to see what it was.

 Then Suddenly Rani (the Part time Sunday sweeper) Entered the ICU, unplugged the Life Support system of that Bed & then plugged her Mobile Charger!!

HOw does a Genius watch Television (TV)

Tortoise and rabbit gave CET Tortoise got 80% and rabbit 82% Cut off was 85% Tortoise gt admission! whY?

 U Remember in 1st standard, he won the race.

 SPORTS QUOTA...

Your reactions when it Friday and Monday

The three magical words every Boy wants to hear from a girl

I was wrong....

When someone touches my phone I automatically turn into a NInja

If an object is more than five feet away, it becomes unnecessary.

Why doesn't Bangladesh have an Olympic team?

Because all those who can run, jump or swim have already crossed the border.

alarm clocks because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

From the 90s - Now we are just somebody that you used to know..

I am not losing weight, I m getting rid of it, I have intention of finding it again.

5 Stages of Mothers day - Denial, Anger, bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Unicorn - A single COrn

Santa: I have two bad news for you. How should I tell you? Banta: Combine them.

Santa: Your wife is cheating on both of us.

A Girl abt 2 make tea. Opened fridge couldn't find milk, So She removed her top.

Changed her top & brought Milk from shop!:)

u dirty minds...;) 

Boys Diaries : My neighbours look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.

:P

Answering exams like a boss

Dentist - Keep still this wont hurt a bit haha

I've had enough of what i have no idea, but enough is enough, I'm telling you.

Employee: I Need Salary Increment. 3 Other Companies Are After Me. Boss: Really ... ? Which Three?

Employee: Electricity, Telephone
& Credit Card...!!

When you are fast a sleep - Get to know what really happens when you are sleeping

Question: What is the Difference between a man buying a lottery & a man arguing with his Wife?

Ans: A man buying a lottery has a chance to win

Did i Really just call my teacher Mom...

The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest

Wife : Come help me plant my chillies. Husband : What do u think I am? A gardener? Wife : Come fix the toilet drain. Husband : What do u think I am? A plumber?

  Wife : Come fix the door handle.
  ... Husband : What do u think I am? A carpenter?
  The husband went out...
 But when he came back, he saw that everything was fixed. The chilli garden, toilet drain & the door handle.
 He asked his wife who had done it?
  The wife said its the neighbour's son, but he gave me 2 options...
  Either to make him a burger or have sxx with him...
  Husband: I'm sure, u gave him a burger!
  Wife : What do u think I am? Mc Donalds?

Boyfriend: baby I heard u failed in English! Girlfriend: who TELLED U?

LOL

An apple a day may keep the doctor away – but all these Macbooks are definitely getting quite expensive.

:P

DOnt worry be happy - Do You have a problem in life - Yes - Can you do something about it - NO - yes - Then Why worry

Cupid - I will Make you Fall in Love and You are like dont even think about it

Romance Never Dies An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

 She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

 Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

 A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

 Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

 Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck."

 Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

 "Where are you going ?" she asked.

 "To get my teeth!"

Monday Morning Overload

Best quote written on a door-mat:

"NICE PANTY"

Santa visit to a mysore palace; Guide: sir dont sit here this is tipu sultan's chair,

Santa: dont worry i will get up when he comes ..

A woman driving in front of me indicated a left turn & she actually turned left.

How am I supposed to prepare myself for these mind games?

Curly Hair Problem - Going to sleep with hair wet and looking like hagrid when you wake up

A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called "Husbands - The Master of Wives "

Sales girl:> : "Sir the comics department is on the 1st floor"..:p

THe Right way to answer true and false questions