Thursday, March 29, 2012

A good date ends with dinner.

An awesome date ends with breakfast!! ;)

What Exactly is A New Years Resolution, Its A To DO list for the first week of January


When I'm Late for Home, What my mom thinks, what my Dad Thinks, What my girlfriend thinks, What my brother Thinks, What I'm Actually Doing.


This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.. Just Check It Out! Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard:

     man
1. ------------
    board

Ans. =man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

     stand
2. ------------
       i

Ans. = I understand

OK . .Got the drift ?Let's try a few now and see how you fare ?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

    R
4. Road
    A
    D
Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?Redeem yourself.

5. cyclecyclecycle

Ans. = tricycleEasy to figure out, ha!


         0
6._________
   M.D.Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !


     knee
7. ------------
     light

Ans. = neon light ( knee - on - light )

I'm sure you'll have no problem getting this one.

   ground
8. ----- ----------
feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

Good One, try this!!

9. he's X himself

Ans. = he's by himself Here's an easy one!!

10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ?!!?

11. death ..... life
Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance .

12. THINK

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is very funny- - -

13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb...

Ans. = long time no 'C

There was a bird sitting in my balcony, i went close to it very close.

But it refused to fly away. Then i realised its a KINGFISHER

Don't judge me by the cancellation of My flights,

You see my calenders are always on time - Vijay Mallya..

Law OF equality:The time taken by wife when she says I'll get ready in 5mins

is exactly equal to time taken by husband when he says I'll cal u in 5mins..

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Which Step Have You reached Today - I wont Do It, I Cant Do it, I want to Do It, How do I do It, I will Try to Do It, I Can Do it, I will Do It, Yes I Did IT



CHeck your Watch ITs my Time


A good Friend will come bail you out of jail... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying - damn we F&%#ed up!!


Boy - lets play RAPE RAPE. Girl - No, I'm not in the mood.

Boy - Thats the spirit.:p

Breathe it all in Love it All Out


Sardar : I divorced my wife, on 1st night of marriage.Friend : Why ?

Sardar : I saw a label on her panty ..."Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons" ... !!!

Check BBC News.. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is hospitalized with serious injury.

Sources say Ranjnikanth Poked him on Facebook

Monday, March 26, 2012

Happiness Isnt good enough for me, I demand Euphorea!!


If you really love her , You wont be affraid to tell the whole world.


Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going for a meeting. They saw a Jin.

Jin said: As i fulfill Three wishes at a time
But you are three persons so i will fulfill one wish for each.
...
Clerk said: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears. (wish fulfilled)

Officer said: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears. (wish fulfilled)

Jin said to Boss: what is ur wish?

He said: “I want these two idiots back at office after lunch"

::Always Let the BOSS SPEAK 1st::

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?' 

She slams the door in disgust.

 The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?' 

She slams the door again. 

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.' The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'? 'Yes, actually I have,' she says. The man replies..   'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

Dont Talk to me!


Dont Be sad if a person prefers another person over you, Cause you cant convince the monkey that honey is sweeter than Banana.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Gosh!! Weekends are made in China They dont Last long.


You and Me - Without You there is No Me


Cute message :Teacher-who wants to go to heaven?


Everybody lift their hand except one small boy.
Tcher asks him - Why?
He says,"mom said cum directly home after school" 

Loyalty Test 2012:

Wife buys a Dozen underwear of same Color 4 husband 

Husband- why Same Color ? People will think I never change underwear :s

Wife- Which people ?

Total Silence 

Husband came to bed with Cetrizine, Gelusil, Aspirin and water......

Wife: Why ?????
Husband: for your cold, acidity and headache....
Wife: But I don't have any of them !!!!
Husband: Fine, Then Lets have SEX .... 

Judge: You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with deadly weapon

Wife:no your honour iam divorsing him for threatning me every night with dead weapon 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Follow Your Heart - Think Twice - Loving You means to fall and get hurt


Why I Love Big, Baggy Shirts - My Armpits can Breathe, Folded Sleeves are Cute, People wont notice if I Forgot to close my zipper, little Miss Paint Brush, Hides Tummy When I Ate too Much, Etc


THeir Beaches (American) and Our Beaches (Indian)


There are two kinds of roads in America "National" & "International"...!

In India also there are two kinds of roads
"Under construction!" &"Take Diversion! 

Banta Singh was talking to his travel agent, Santa Singh. Banta tells Santa, 'I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently.'

'The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go.

Three years ago you said go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and my wife Gurpreet got pregnant.'

'Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Gurpreet got pregnant again.'

'Last year you suggested Tahiti and Gurpreet once again got pregnant..'

Santa asks Banta 'So, what are you going to do this year that is different?'

Banta smiles and says, 'This year I'm taking Gurpreet along with me!': 

An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you..  Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."
  
 Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected.  Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?''
  
 Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.  Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
  
 Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that..  You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
  
 Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
  
 "I recall that," said Henry.  "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that.  Now tell me about the third time."
  
 "All right," Martha said.  "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes........."

Henry fainted............ 

I walked into the bank and said to the cashier: I'd like to open a joint account please. . .

"OK, with whom though?"
Asked cashier.

I replied:
"Whoever has a lot of money" :p 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Never underestimate anyone in life.

An ANT might be Small, but it can bite your bum!
Can YOU bite it's bum? 

"PLAYBOY" magazine has started a special edition for married men

It features the same woman every month! 

Girl to her ex-boyfriend: I saw something that reminded me of you...

but then I flushed the toilet 

TRUE......Seven complicated facts about Women:

1. They believe in saving.
2. Still they go out & buy xpensive clothes.
3. Always buy xpensive clothes but never have anything 2 wear.
4. Never have anything 2wear, but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but don't believe them if complemented.
Extremely Complicated !! 

I'm Texting while Driving. LOL.


We had a Deal. Let the others grow old, not me!


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The ETERNAL TRUTH about Communications between Man & Woman: "A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong." 

What Men Say (And What They Really Mean):

I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

I'm not attracted to you in that way. (You're ugly.)

My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

Let's be friends. (You're ugly.) 

Why do we all marry?

Because romance is not the only element of life.
We should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity & tragedy of life .:p 

What happens inside Turtles Shell


Babe I Just Cant Do it ANy More


le 13 Year old Girls - I suffered a lot in love. Its time that I Live my Life. Who the F&#k made you suffer - Mickey Mouse.


Monday, March 19, 2012

Girls Expectations are Never Ending


The Life Cycle


OMg Shark ...Whaaat


Letter to Monday:

"You indeed are the byproduct of hatred and reflection of boredom. Please learn some manners and decency from saturday and sunday. People hate you from the bottom of their bumb" 

Kid :mommy why do u cal my brother angel

mommy: Because he's so little n babies always look like angels, but why are u asking?
Little kid: cause I threw him out of the window n he didn't fly !!!
Mom fainted. 

Internet Ediction its all in the Family


In the Bed With Spouse in the night and after Midnight


The World will neva change. A fairy saw a lion chasing a rabbit in d forest. She asked both to stop, "I will grant u both 3 wishes."

Lion-all d lion in dis forest, except me, be female.
Rabbit wished 4 a helmet.
Lion thot-stupid rabbit,wasting his wish.

2nd wish lion- i wish all d lion in next forest be female.
Rabbit asked 4 a bike. Lion shocked again.

3rd wish lion-all d lion in world be female except me.
The rabbit grinned,started his bike n said,  




"Make this lion gay." 

New Rajni facts. 2012

-Rajnikanth scans the Anti- Virus.

-Twitters tweets on Rajnikanth.

-Rajnikanth's calendar goes from April 2nd to March 31st..Coz Nobody Fools Rajnikanth :p.

-Rajnikanth uses pepper spray as eye drops.

-What color is rajnikanth's blood??!!Haha!! trick question...Rajnikanth doesn't bleed :p

-Rajnikanth got his driving license at the age of 16 seconds!!

-Once Rajnikanth operated for kidney stone operation...The stone today is known as mount everest !!

-Rajnikanth can be seen in colour in a Black and White TV !!

-Only Rajnikanth knows...'Chole ke peechai kya hai '!!

-Rajnikanth peed in the fuel tank of a truck ...today that truck is called 'Optimus Prime'.

Last 1...

Rajnikanth doesn't flush toilets ...He just scares the shit out of them!! 

A KID FAILS IN eXAM:- Dad:-Hereafter don't call me as dad...

Kid:Oh, come on dad, it was just a school test, not the DNA test..:p 

wanna play again rock paper scissors haha


Searching for Manchester City on Google and it says .. Did you Mean Manchester United


Sunday, March 18, 2012

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight mini skirt.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus Driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

 Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her disgust she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make ! the step.

 About this time the big Sardar that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! ".

At this the Sardar drawled,"Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my pants three times, I kinda figured we were friends"  

Please, My Love! Lets Video Chat. Sorry Darling, Dad is around here.


If u come across a hot beautiful woman who is mature, smart, humble, educated, passionate & patient & is a great house wife, who is not materialistic & is attentive to her partner....please be assured that


the marijuana u have just smoked, is of superior grade. :D 

Doctor explained "I'm sorry ur Majesty, this man has a peculiar Disease where d Testicles rapidly fill wid Semen. If he doesn't empty dem 5 times a day dey would Explode & he would Die instantly"

"Oh, I'm so sorry" said Queen

On next floor dey passed through a room
where
A Sexy Young Nurse
Was Giving A Patient
'Blow Job'

"For Heavens sake" said Queen
"What is happening in there?"

Doctor replied


" Same Problem
But
He Is In
Deluxe Room" 

Friday, March 16, 2012

Why are Men Impossible 2 please:

If he calls you & ur phone is off, he thinks u’re cheating…. then he sends a sms saying “don’t tell me d battery story coz I know dat line :s ”
.
If u TREAT him nicely, he… says u r crowding him,:$ ; If u Don't, he says u r PROUD ;) .
.
If u DRESS NICELY, he says u r trying 2 LURE other men
.
If u DON'T, he says u r RURAL
.
If u ARGUE wid him, he says u r STUBBORN, too manly
.
If u keep QUIET, he says u hve no BRAINS, a walkover
.
If u r SMARTER dan him, u’re a SHOW-OFF; If he's SMARTER dan u, he is GREAT :p.
.
If u don't LOVE him, he tries 2 POSSESS u:&; If u LOVE him, He takes u 4 GRANTED :( (very true huh?)
.
If u don't MAKE LOVE 2 him, he says u DON'T LOVE him.. If u DO, he says u r taken:>... If u tell him ur PROBLEMS , he says u are TROUBLEsome-|; If u DON'T, he says u don't TRUST him
.
If u SCOLD him, u r treating him like a CHILD=D; If he SCOLDS u, it’s bcoz he CARES 4u. (pleaiiiiiiz)


If u BREAK ur promise, u cannot b TRUSTED..If he BREAKS his, it is circumstances beyond his CONTROL.(yea rite!)
.
If u SMOKE, u r a BAD girl:/; If he SMOKES, he is a GENTLEMAN
.
If u do WELL in ur career, it's LUCK=D If he does WELL, it’s definitely BRAINS
.
If u HURT him, u r CRUEL=D; If he HURTS u, u r too SENSITIVE8
HOW R WOMEN SUPPOSED 2 GET IT RIGHT8-| *nerd* :/ >:) ????????If u send dis 2 guys, dey ll swear dat it's not true....
.
moral of d story.......SEND THIS TO GUYS OUT THERE ANYWAY ....Send it to girls also, make them feel good, coz its freaking true! :p 

Long Journey Long Road Lets Swim


Sunday, March 11, 2012

First day of School, First day of University


How Guys think it will be after breaking up, How girls think it will be after breaking up, Reality is something different Haha


Loose one of these and you are fcked Only 90s kids will Understand


Example of Pilot and Autopilot


2/10 = 2 Can u prove it? Well Rajni can

Two/Ten =
wo/en
(T / T cancel)
w=23rd letter
o= 15th
e= 5th
n= 14th

So
=23+15/5+14
=38/19
=2
Mind it . . . .

A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from her boss.

She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message:
" Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thanks "
Moral :- Space is essential in every successful married life 

We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the hardest working, prosperous and diversified communities in the world!

During the last vacation, a few friends came to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed..

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,''Sons, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city !!!"

My friend continued, "That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere."

MORAL:
The secret behind their universal success is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, run a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry, ... but he will never beg on the streets