Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Yeas to all my fans

My Last Post for the year Appreciate everyone for liking My Blog and all your Support and Making 2011 great success!!

Wish You all a very happy New Year and Great fun ahead

Keep Coming and commenting your support and feedback mean a lot to me

Happy 2012 :D

Salary grow up like your friends

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Gonna Stand there and watch me Roar Dinosaur

I know 9 things about you right now.

1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips ...
4. You just attempted to do it...
6. You are laughing at yourself. See your teeth :D
7. You have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5 
9. You are still smiling
10. You'll probably Share this to see who else falls for it :P

Kevins New Year's resolution to Quit Smoking!!

Dave, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Kevin, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Kevin responds.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Dave with a grin.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'Phase one?' wonders Kevin.
'Yeah,' laughs Dave, 'I've quit buying.'

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

If you are happy and you know it slap your friends

Evils of drinking in the New Year

I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year

I gave up thinking :P

Lecture from my Wife

On New Year's Eve, Peter was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.

As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Peter.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'I agree, but my wife will,' slurred Peter grimly.

Dont have drinks from Stranger

There's a man sitting at a bar on New Years Eve, just looking at his drink for half an hour.

Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying...
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office.
My boss, in an outrage, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener.
I leave home and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Monday, December 26, 2011

Drinking and driving over the festive and new year season.

This is just a friendly reminder about drinking and driving over the festive and new year season.

I went out last night and left my car at the pub and took the bus home. 

I was very proud of myself this morning; I had never driven a bus before...

Kill Fats Die Potato

New Year Party Humor

At a New Years party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made your life worth living.:)

The bartender was almost crushed to death ;)

I'm James Bond, I'm Rambo and I'm Sorry!!

You Rock You Rule

Sunday, December 25, 2011

On Christmas Eve Cutest proposal ever by A boy

Boy: can I take your photo.


Boy: so I can show santa what I want for christmas.! ;)

Blackberry Santa Or BB Santa Icon Font ... Merry Christmas!!

Dear Santa What do you want for Christmas?

Rajnikant Lmfao :P

Merry Christmas May the Fat Santa Clause fill happiness and love in your life more than the weight on his belly

Thank you all my supporters and fans for making my blog successful for all you lovely comments and appropriation Merry Christmas to you and a Super party Ahead :D

Spread the Laughter

Original Jingle bells

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Waiting for the Perfect Man..

WIfe can also not win over a Lawyer

A Married Lawyer catching fun in his car, with his secretary.

On getting home his wife observed panties on the back seat,

She tore it apart screaming "honey what is this ??" 
He calmly replied : "you have just destroyed the evidence of the rape case, worth a million for me which I'm handling. You can forget the jewellery you wanted !!"

She quickly fell on her knees apologizing.

No one wins over a Lawyer..! Even something called A WIFE

6 Most funniest fights with the wife

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started…
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive…
So, I took her to a petrol pump

And then the fight started…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for $4.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $2.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..

And then the fight started…

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dad, Mom, Teacher and boss are strick and Harsh

Dear Boys If you think your dad, mom, teacher, boss are 

strict and harsh with you..

Wait for a wife..You would love them All... :p

Bus full of housewives was crashed

and everyone died, husbands cried for a week.

A man was still crying after 2weeks
When asked y he still crying?
"MY wife missed d bus" :P

Why are girls better at catwalk than boys?

Some Great man replied :-
because there is nothing between the legs to get SQUEEZED...

Here's a brain teaser for you a really difficult one

There are 3 rooms
1.Gold Coins
2.Currency Notes
3.Cotton Bags
If the 3 rooms catch FIRE, On which room will the ambulance pour water 1st?
Reply. I'll tel about your IQ.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Dude I am Joking You are Not Adopted

Mosquitoes Facebook Status

A man posted on his facebook status: Going to sleep on the terrace

20 Mosquitoes 'Liked' it.

Lazy Rule Cant Reach it Dont need it

Big Mucus piece from your nose stuck in your finger

When your alone and nobody watches you put your finger in your nose and one big mucus(solid) piece gets struck in your where would you discard it?

a) at the corner of the bed..
b) below the sofa..
c) on the wall..
d) or you will make ball of it and flick it in air..

No reply means you've eaten it.... Haha

Best letter written by his Son to his Dad on getting his results - This one is an eye opener for all the Dads

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy..

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house..

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home. :D"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Every Drop Of Coffee I Like

Sales Pressure end of the Month Achieve your Tagets!!

A man was sleeping.
Suddenly death angel appeared & said:
Go out & enjoy, nothing will happen to U for NEXT 100 years. Its my Guarantee.
Man go out, met an accident & died.
In the heaven he asked angel:
Why U lied to me?
Angel replied:
Sorry, Month End, had to achieve Target..

Poem on TAJ MAHAL by 3 different kind of people.

Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,
Taj Mahal banana chahta hun, Magar Mumtaz nahi MILTI.

Taqdir hai magar kismt nahi khulti,
Mumtaz milgai hai,
Magar shadi nahi KARTI.

Taqdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti,
Taj Mahal banana chahta hun, Magar Mumtaz nahi MARTI.....

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Height of Technology used by a student in an exam:

A Student Writes All Answer As
At last Writes
'Answer are Written In Barcode Format to Protect it from Being Copied'

The UGLY TRUTH of 5 mins

In bed, its 6 am, if u close ur eyes for 5 mins, its 7.45 :D

but in office its, 9.40, u close ur eyes for 5 mins , its still 9.41.??

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Without a doubt, women are the foundation stone of the society,

but always remember who laid them!

Funny Notice seen outside a Church:

Please do not leave your Purse/Watch/Handbag/Mobile/Girlfreind/Boyfreind unattended. 

Others may think its an answer to their prayers..

Latest A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp

She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.

The woman looks at the Genie and she asks him to grant her a wish:

- I want my husband to have only eyes for me,
- I want to be the only one in his life,
- I want him to sleep always by my side,
- I want that when he gets up in the morning i'm the first thing.
 he grabs and to take me everywhere he goes...."

And whoosh!!! .....The Genie turned her into

A BlackBerry

I Live For the Weekend!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Very Interesting naming of our Indian States

Large state: maha rastra
Place of king: raja sthan
Queen field: rani khet
Mr. city: sri ngr
Rhythm of eyes: nani taal
Face: surat
Unmarried gal: kanya kumri
God's state: hari dwar
Brick city: ita ngr
Saint hair: rishi kesh
Call end: kol kata
No zip: chen nai
Come on sun: arun aa chal
Comem in evning: aa saam
Go n come: go a
and finally do drama: kar natak.....

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Three men on Christmas eve met Saint Peter

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, ’You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins......

At dinner, little johny was ordered to lead in prayer.

JOHNY: But I don't know what to pray?

DAD: Just pray for your family members.

JOHNY: "Dear Lord," he started,"thank u for giving me such lovely parents. Thanks for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so that they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Xmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work, AMEN!

Opposite word of Manchester United

Sardar won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of Manchester united !

Guess what he wrote?
Woman chest are divided!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

A young girl about to go on a 1st date with her boyfrnd was been tutored by her grandma.

"He will try to kiss you, allow him.
He will try to cuddle you, allow him.
He will try to lay u down and get on top of you, don't allow him".
The girl asked, "grandma, why?".
Grandma said, "because if you do that, you have allowed him to disgrace you and all your family".
Girl said "okay" and left on her date.
Several hours later she returned and grandma asked "how did it go?".
Girl said "exactly as you said except when he laid me down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family instead".

Grandma fainted!!

Correct communication on bed is so Important....

A Woman to a Man during doing it 

"Keep it up"!!. 

Man wonders, was it a Complaint or Compliment.

Laloo sent his BioData to apply fora post in Microsoft USA. Few days l8r he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."
Everyone was delighted. He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment Letter padhkar sunaungaa ? par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiya
You do not meet -aap to milte hi nahin ho
our requirement -humko to zarurat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence -ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin
No phone call -phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai
shall be entertained -bahut khaatir ki jayegi
Thanks -aapka bahut dhanyavad
Bill Gates - Tohar Bilva