When your ex says You'll never find anyone like me

Reply With
"Thank God" :D

New Types of proposals:

 1. I love u.
 2. Will u marry me.
 3. Will u spent rest of your life with me.

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And the latest one:
Wanna be my chhammak chhallo

A man's wife was eight months into her Pregnancy

The husband had to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he had been desperate for quite a while. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor; eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire...Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out 500 bucks, and gives it to him."Here, take this and go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight.... and remember that this happens only once... ok? Don’t think about it again" she said. The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, grabs the money and leaves quickly..A few minutes later, he returns, and hands the money back to his wife and says with much disappointment: She said this is not enough. She wants one thousand.....The wife's face slowly turns red with anger. "when she was pregnant and her husband came over here... I charged him only five hundred..." The guy collapsed!!!:'(

What is da diff between Guilt and Shame ?

Its a Guilt to sleep with somebody's wife but its a Shame to miss the opportunity..:D

5 BENEFICIAL THINGS TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it is more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember their name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they are in trouble again.
4. Many people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then again, neither does milk.

War of the Social Networking sites

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody
Internet: Without me you all nothing.
Electricity: Keep talking :P

God Re-making Men with Hi-Tech Features!!

God asked Woman:-
I am Re-making Men with Hi-Tech Features,
Any Suggestion...?
Women:- That
JOY STICK meant for us should be
"PASSWORD PROTECTED" ..

Daddy I fell in LOVE!!

A guy went up to his father saying:

"Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

Son: It's Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.

Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.. Sandra is actually your sister.


The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, and indeed, a couple of months later ...

Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

Son: It's Angela, The other neighbor’s daughter.

Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.


This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.


Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!


The mother hugs him affectionately and says:


"My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father” haha

Punchline of an italian Luxury lingerie company

Their quote..
'We create the mood for Banging
What God left Hanging!:)

Women - Will be ready in 5 Minutes

The "will be ready in 5 minutes" of a woman and the "will call you back in 5 minutes of a man"... are just the same thing! ;)

Short TIme, Long time and Forever Happiness

If u want to be happy for short time
-GET DRUNK

If u want to be happy for long time
-FALL IN Love

But if u want to be happy forever

DON't EVEN THINK OF THESE TWO.:)

10 Things That happen when girls drink too much

1.We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.
2.We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and shaking our asses while yelling "Woo-hoo!" is the sexiest dance move.
3.On our last trip to pee we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we were when we showed up to the party.
4.Every song we hear we jump up and down screaming, "OH my God, I love this song!"
5.Every time we see someone we know we break into tears and tell them that we love them ssssooooo much.
6.The geek sitting next to us turns out to be cooler than we thought so we make out with him.
7.We yell at the bartender for just giving us juice since we can't taste the vodka anymore.
8.The bed feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
9.We fail to notice the toilet lid is down when we sit on it.
10.We take our shoes off because we believe it's their fault we can't walk straight.

A 5th std kid wrote in his maths answer sheet:

"Mr MATHS,
i m sick & tired of finding your 'x' ,
just accept d fact tat she's gone,....
Move on, dude." :p

Whats true love?

When wife pulls her husband, who's fully drunk,
2 bed n tries removing his shirt and he replies-
"LADY!
LEAVE ME ALONE,
I M MARRIED!"
:):p

A broken lover emotional line turned in a joke by his friends

Lover- I want her back :(


Friends- and what about her front ? :p

Your Very First Picture!!

                        ~•　　　　 ~•　　　　　　　　 ~•　　　~•　　 ~•　　　           

What it feels like when I am driving

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving. :p

Amazing banner outside a wine shop...

"If u love someone today...
then u'll surely love me someday...!"

Decide which girl to marry!!

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest.

This is called SELF CONTROL

People smoke and drink for a few days and get addicted to it, I am studying since childhood but still not addicted to studying... 

This is called SELF CONTROL.

My wife wasn't used to it sir!

In a party a General proudly said that he did 10 times with his wife on his wedding night.
As Brig. next to him said that he did it 6 times before going to sleep
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A colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night.
General turned towards a young Lieutenant and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night.
Lieutenant replied: Only once sir.
General laughed and asked WHY??
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Lieutenant replied: My wife wasn't used to it sir!

johny : I am coming too lol

Teacher: what's wrong?

Johnny : our house is very small, Me, my mum and my dad, all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad asks if I'm sleeping,

I say No then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye :'(  

Teacher: tonight When your dad asks, keep dead quiet, don't answer.

The following morning Johnnys teacher sees him with a severe swelling on his face.

Teacher: My goodness why the swelling?

Johnny: Dad asked me again if I was sleeping....... I kept dead still. 

Then my dad & my mom started moving, u know, Mum was breathing heavy, kicking her legs up and making moaning noises.

Then my dad asked my mum, “are you coming?“

Mum said, “Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?“ Dad answered: “Yes“. 

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me,

 I'm coming too... Haha

Steve Jobs still making apps in Heaven

A short walk is so Difficult

when no 1 walks with u.

But a long Journey is just like a few steps when
.

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a street dog is running behind u.. :P

so what do u think I m doing right now?

Father to son: why don't u just go and study?
Son: what for?
Father: You'll get good marks...
Son: then?
Father: You'll get good job.
Son: then?
Father: You'll have big house, new car.
Son: so what after that?
Father: after that You'll relax.
Son: so what do u think I m doing right now???

What's common between clouds and wife?

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When both are not around,
we call it a pleasant day......

I wasn't that drunk

Boy-"I wasn't that drunk.."
Friend-"Dude you were in my pool trying to find nemo!"
"you asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You were arguing with yourself, over the phone n got upset wen you hung up"
"you were in my cupboard yelling, "where is narnia?"
"you were throwing rocks at my cat screaming "GO PIKACHU!"
"you hugged a man with a white beard and cried DUMBLEDORE YOU'RE BACK!"