You are said to be stupid

when you visit an ice cream parlor instead of a chemist when your girlfriend says ''i love chocolate flavor'' :p

Height of Begging:

A Sleeping Beggar Puts Up a Notice Board in Front of Him,

"Please don't make Noise By Dropping Coins..
.
.
0ffer Notes" :p

Best break up line by a girl:

" wanna see magic ? "

Boy:"yes sure"

Girl:"POOF you are single !!!"

Every lady hopes

That her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did ;)

Situation if you are in Love, single, just broke up or married

If You Are In Love:
. Make The Best Of It
. Dont Doubt Anything
. Enjoy It Because Nothing Lasts 4ever

If You Just Broke Up:
. Don Cry! Remember That U Had A Good Time!
. Never Stay Alone! Your Friends Are There
. Hug More People
. Stop Listening To Sad Music! It Only Make Things Worse

If You Are Single:
. Stay Happy :)
. Hang Out With Friends N Family
. Try Looking For Someone Who U Think Is The Best For U!

If You Are Married:
. Game Over Just ignore this message

Husband was seriously ill.

Doc to wife:- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood,don’t discuss your problems, no tv serial, dont  demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home..

Husband:- wat did the doc say?

Wife:- .No chance for u to survive.

I watch my Wedding Video in Reverse.

An Innocent Husband said :

I watch my Wedding Video in Reverse.

I Luv d end when she takes out d Ring, Goes out, Sits in Car n goes back 2 her Father's Home :p

Height of misunderstanding:

A man married his 'secretary' Thinking she will continue obeying his orders.

Angry - Clean the Toilet

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with your tooth brush.

An English professor wrote the words

"woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.

The male students wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The female students wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

BREAKING NEWS FROM LIBYA:

 .نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیس.ت  نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما

If I hear anything else I will let you  know .

Dr. Implants New EAR to A Man!

Man: "U Fraud,
U gave Me A Woman's Ear?"

Dr: It makes no difference.
Man: "It does!
Now I Hear Everything but Understand Nothing."

3 Apples changed the world:

One seduced Eve,
One awakened Newton and
One was in the hands of Steve Jobs.

The Stock Market is moving like a strapless bra ..

Half the people r wondering what's holding it up whereas the other half r waiting for it to drop so that they can grab the opportunity with both hands. :D :P

which part of human body expands to 5 times its normal size?

A teacher asks a girl in her class "which part of human body expands to 5 times its normal size?"
Girl: "I can't answer that question I'm embarrassed..."
So the teacher asks that same question to a boy...
The boy says - "The pupil of the eye"
when the teacher says he's correct, the boy turns to the girl & says
"Listen baby, not only is your thinking wrong, but your expectations are also abnormally high....!":D:p

Good girls go to Heaven ,

but its the bad girls just that make you FEEL you're in Heaven!

3 Year Old Daughter with Sixth Sense!!

Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
They were both her maternal grandparents.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss dropped dead in the middle of a meeting.

4 stages of girl & boy relation..

1)hand in hand
2)that in hand
3)hand in that
4)that in that

Those who understood forward it
Others go & watch pogo.

A Man was Lying on the Beach

Sun Bathing,
Wearing Nothing but a Cap over his Privates.
An Ugly Woman Passed by and Remarked
"If U were any sort of a Gentleman -
U would Lift Ur Hat to a Lady"
He Replied "If U were any sort of A Lady, the Hat would have Lifted by Itself"

How to get Rich

A Young Man Asked A Rich
Old Man , How He Made
His Money
The Old Guy Said
Son, It was 1932, The depth
of the Great Depression
I Was Down To My Last Nickel
I Invested That In An Apple
And Spent The Entire Day
Polishing It & At The End Of The
Day, I Sold The Apple For 10 Cents
The Nxt Day ,I Invested Those
10 Cents In 2 Apples. I Spent The
Entire Day Polishing Them &
Sold Them For 20 Cents
I Continued This 4 A Month, By The
End Of Which I Had Accumulate d
A Fortune Of $.1.37
Then My Wife's Father Died &
Left Us 2 Million Dollars

MORAL :
Hard Work Is Just ..
Find A Chick Whose Father Is Rich

Behind every successful man there is a women I dont Think so

People say "Behind every successful man there is a women"

But nobody knows the fact " Women choose only successful men"

Funny Letter to Google

Dear Google,
Can u Just allow
Me To Write my Sentence Before u Start Guessing...

Girls of today...

Boy : Hi
Girl : What?
Boy : How are you?
Girl : Do I know you?
Boy : I'm rich...
Girl : Oh! Hi, My name is Rachel but you can call me "Baby". I'm 19 & I stay in Actonville ,I love short dark
men...especially like you...& I'm glad to meet you. So,
when are we going out?
.
.
.
Boy : No, no, no "Rich" is my name.
Girl : Sorry I don't talk to strangers...!!!haha

Where is the CAPITAL of INDIA?

The greatest joke of the millennium. Teacher -"Where is the CAPITAL of INDIA?"

Student -"in Swiss Banks":p

A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.

She replied

"sacrificing the admiration of hundreds of guys to face the criticism of one idiot".