Thursday, July 28, 2011

Prohibited to Swim

Officer:madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady:then why dint you tell me when
I was removing my clothes?
 
Officer:well, that's not prohibited..

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Facebook Jealous Girlfriend

Boy: Baby are you jealous?
gf : No.
Boy: Baby are you jealous?
gf : No.
Boy: Baby are you jealous?
gf : I already told you, No!
Boy: Baby can I get a kiss?
gf : GO GET A KISS FROM THAT UGLY GIRL THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!
:p

Sunday, July 24, 2011

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

BRA and BAR:

Both have same alphabets.
Both are drinking zones.
Both have restricted time or opening and closing.
But when opened, both make men crazy.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Far is the Arabic word for Mouse

Arab newlyweds went on a vacation to London. One day in the hotel room, the husband heard his wife scream, "Far! Faaaarrrr!" (which is the Arabic word for "mouse"). He wanted to inform Room Service but did not know what the English word for "faar" is. He called:-
Husband: Hello, room service?!
Room service : Yes sir, how can I help you??
Husband: Mmmm... Yaani you knows Tom & Jerry?
Room service: :s ..Yes, sir, I know Tom & Jerry.
Husband: Jerry is here :D

Blackberry theorem

Human = Eat + Work + Blackberry + Sleep

Donkey = Eat + Work + Sleep

Hence,

Human = Donkey + Blackberry

or

Human - Blackberry = Donkey

So, it's proved that,

Human without Blackberry= Donkey


(\./)
/.".)"^----;";_
\,,/"( ,     ,   )\
     //\\   //\\

This is Blackberry theorem:D

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A 'Save Electricity' Campaign Statement:

"How would you Feel if somebody turns you ON and leaves?"

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.

Husband: What was that for..?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone ...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

An overweight man goes to his doctor to loose weight

& asks "what's the easiest exercise I can do to help me lose weight?" He replies "shake your head from side to side." He asks "how often should I do this?"
Doctor says...
"Every time you're offered food!"‬

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Ultimate grammar lesson of the day:

"If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!";)

A Lady lawyers Big Birthday treat to herself

A Lady Lawyer decided to give herself a big treat for her birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels.
 
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."


The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.


The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

'But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.


"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"


The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.


The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.


"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.


"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."=)).... U won't win against a lawyer. And u definitely won't win against a woman!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Why did God create MEN?

ANS: Because neither Fingers, nor Candles, nor Vibrators, nor Bananas, nor Carrots, nor Cucumbers can....
.
.
.
Pay for SHOPPING ;)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Fact: Only 3 inch is enough 2 satisfy a woman's desire

.. because...


That's d length of a CREDIT CARD.! But the way u r thinking is also
interesting..;)

How a man withdraws cash from ATM:

1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away.
------------------
How a woman withdraws cash from ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7) Insert card
8) Hit cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it.
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run bck 2 ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back 2 car
20) Chck makeup
21) Start car
22) Chck makeup
23) Drive for a mile
24)release HAND BRAKE !!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A foreigner had very spicy Indian dinner

next morning he came out of toilet and said, now i understand why Indians use water.
Tissues can catch fire.

WHY are earthquakes increasing?


with 3 million people Making Love every night around the world how can u expect the Earth to be still... :D

A Japanese girl was making love

and accidentally farted. She quickly explained,"Oh me so sorry, you make front hole so happy, back hole blow you a kiss"

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Girls Father must have his own Bar. Cheers!!


Hi Need One girl to marry
Age no bar,
Color no bar,
Height no bar,
Caste no bar,
But girl's father must have his own bar. Cheers!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Fasting for New Generation:

Living One Day without

1. Mobile.

2. Vehicle.
3. Facebook.
4. Blackberry

Examples of stupid questions people can ask these days!


1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:- Are you sleeping?
A: No! I'm training to die?

2. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are you going out in this rain?

A: No,in the next one.

3. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?

A: At the bus stop!

4. They see you wet coming from the bathroom:- Did you just have a bath?

A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl!

5. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask:- Going up?

A: No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come down and get me.

6. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:- are those Flowers?

A: No baby! They Carrots.


7. You're on the queue to buy tickets @ the cinema, a friend saw u & ask:- what are u doing here?

A: I'm here to pay my school fee